Revealed: The Personal Diary of Greg Snapper, Spokesperson, Pacific Gas and Electric Company

Posted on April 1, 2012 by Josh Hart

      

Editors Note:  The following is the fictional diary of PG&E’s spokesperson Greg Snapper.  Any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental.   This was originally published as an April Fool’s joke on April 1st, 2012.

May 31st, 2011

Dear Diary,

Helen sent out an internal memo today- that we should no longer mention the World Health Organization to the media now that they came out with their hysterical cancer scare today.

Those tin foil hat weirdos at the WHO just don’t get it. Didn’t anyone explain to them that we were depending on their assurances of safety in our sound bites to get people to take our SmartMeters? Now WTF are we going to do?  Maybe we need to reach out to those “scientists” at the WHO and explain the benefits of the smart grid- like the fact that my six-figure salary will go even higher when the income from selling all that private data starts rolling in.

Tony (Earley, CEO –ed.) and I were laughing the other day that if Silver Spring lied to us and the smart meter radiation actually is dangerous that we could buy a big yacht, a bunch of champagne and some girls and go hang out in the ocean where there aren’t any smart meters.  Tony laughed and said the class action lawyers won’t find us out there!  Maybe Richard Branson will reserve us a couple of seats on his spaceship.  I guess if that doesn’t pan out, we can all just go lay low at John Doerr’s ranch near Half Moon Bay.

Thank God John’s wife Ann is on the board at EDF and the other big environmental groups are just going along with the show. When will people realize that we’re actually doing the Earth a favor by reducing the population?  All those sick and old people are just adding to global warming and not being productive at all.  Gotta go now- time for my “man”icure appointment!

December 16th, 2011

Dear Diary,

All these smart meter protesters are such a pain in the freakin’ backside.   The office called and told me I had to be in by 10am to do all these interviews explaining why we cut off power to a dozen families two weeks before Christmas.  Don’t they know that Friday is the day I spend syncing my smart phones to my IPads? And when is my assistant going to find the time to do my Christmas shopping now?

December 17th, 2011

Dear Diary,

Those troublemakers in Santa Cruz are at it again.  I hate that Josh Hart- why doesn’t he just get a real job and let us get on with the important work of being smart grid pioneers?  Now they’ve all gone whining to the media after we cut off their electricity two weeks before Christmas.  They said the smart meter gave their kids bloody noses and headaches.   I bet they used fake blood and got their kids to make up stories.  Damn hippy tin foil hat freaks.  Where is the federal government when you need them?  These people are insurgents and terrorists, tampering with national intelligence gathering equipment.  Oops Tony told me not to talk about that.  Never mind.

Anyway now I have to drive down to Santa Cruz with Wendy and explain to the County Board of Supervisors why we’ve switched off old ladies and families right before Christmas.  I can’t believe they returned their smart meters to our offices in Capitola.  They deserve to freeze to death in their homes- what’s happened to the grand tradition of obedience in this country?

Now I have to get in my convertible and drive down Highway 1 again-my hair ALWAYS gets messed up in that car.  What I have to deal with….honestly.

December 29th, 2011

Dear Diary,

Tony called me early this AM- interfering with my beauty sleep- and said we’re having problems with the call center.  Apparently we’re getting flooded with thousands of calls from our customers who SAY they are getting sick from their smart meter.  Tony said to stay calm and that public health disaster mop ups were his specialty.   He said to tell the call center agents to blame it on people’s cell phones.  “AT&T won’t like it but they gotta take some of the flak for this.” He mumbled something about the insurance companies who are refusing to insure us against future smart meter health impacts. “Pete (Darbee, ex-CEO –ed.) really left me with a shit sandwich alright.”  He then asked me a funny question.  He asked me if I knew whether direct debit billing continued to debit from an account after someone’s dead. He’s having the billing department look into the matter.  Not sure why he’s asking that.

After we got off the phone I had a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach and started to wonder about things but then I watched Jersey Shore on my iPad and felt better.  I totally trust those guys at the IEEE and ICNIRP.  I got drunk with those guys- they wouldn’t put me out on a limb and screw me over- would they?

January 13th, 2012

Dear Diary,

After work a bunch of the guys went out for beers. We met up with Bill Devereaux, who’d just flown in from the islands.  We hadn’t seen the guy since his fall from grace in Nov. 2010. When I saw him I said “Ralph! DUDE! Can’t believe you got busted by the tin foil hat crowd!!  Thanks for taking the fall for us! How’s life on the beach?”  Bill bought us a few rounds and said he didn’t mind his career being shot after he was caught carrying out our covert surveillance program.  He said, “y’know guys I’m cool with taking the hit.  I got a golden parachute and a house on the beach.  I’m cool with retirement.   You guys want another brewski?”  We had a blast together and it was good to be reunited with the boys.  At the end of the night, Bill was slurring his words and stumbling to his car.  Some old vet in a wheelchair asked for spare change and Bill tipped the guy over onto the ground.   We all laughed.  Matt said, “Just like in college with those cows bro!!”  Man I love those guys.

January 20th, 2012

Dear Diary,

Spent all day at the Wellington Energy training facility.  We have been working with Wellington to design a training program to increase the number of smart meters being installed.  The course is up and running and everyone is excited about cutting the number of Unable To Completes.  We’re really thinking outside the box here.  We’ve had to up the pay of the Wellington workers to $50/ hr. Greedy bastards.  Apparently they were quitting in droves, complaining about headaches and ringing in the ears.  What a bunch of wusses.  They’ve been hanging out with the EMF Safety Network crowd too much.

We’re proud of the training course we designed for the new batch of Wellies though. At the Homeowner Evasion Station, they have to wriggle on their stomachs with a smart meter and hide behind a shrub until the resident leaves for work.  Then they have to rip down the “no smart meter “signs, and install the smart meter without any of the neighbors noticing.  The goal is to be out of there within five minutes before anyone can report them to Stop Smart Meters!  We rate them on a point system based mostly on style and speed.  Nothing like a man in a uniform.

The next station is Intimidation of Old Ladies Living Alone 101.  I dress up and play the old lady (they gave me a fantastic wig) and each worker has to try and intimidate me into allowing the smart meter on the side of the house.  I keep telling them- “threaten me with electricity disconnection!” and “Tell me that I will be subject to federal prosecution if I refuse the meter.” Just love that role playing, those wellies sure know how to intimidate an old lady!

Old and sick people are the easiest to coerce. The best is when they rely on electric heat to keep warm in the winter- you should see the look on their faces when we threaten them with a disconnect!  Smart grid full steam ahead!  Saving the planet just feels so good.

Over in the corner we have Taser Training where ‘residents’ are engaged by Wellington workers bearing smart meter gifts. If the dog barks,  tase ‘em.  If grandma comes out and tries to intervene,  tase her.   The important thing is that the meter is deployed- and quickly. This is a military operation- we don’t take no prisoners, our motto is “shove them hard and break their cameras!”  We can’t have this stuff showing up on YouTube.  LOL.

The next training station is Overlooking Unsafe Wiring.  The goal is to install a smart meter on a breaker box that’s hanging by a wire off the side of a house with sparks coming off.  They have to install a smart meter within 30 seconds, avoid the sparks, not get electrocuted and get back in their truck before an arcing fire erupts.  They get special bonus points for each one of these they do. God can you imagine if PG&E had to fix every stupid little arc and gas leak?  There’d be no more benjamins left to fund my stylist, pay off the regulators, or keep the shareholders fat and happy for that matter. I mean really- there have got to be reasonable priorities.

It’s not our fault the smart meters are causing fires in houses with older wiring.  What are these idiots doing with old wiring anyway?  Why don’t they just buy a condo and join the 21st century.  There’s a ton of new units across the street for only $899K, how hard could it be?

February 2nd, 2012

Dear Diary,

Our pal Mike Peevey and his friends at the CPUC just approved the opt out fee yesterday.  The whole tin foil hat crowd was there,  moaning something about extortion.  I can’t believe we’re letting those nutjobs derail our smart grid domination plans.  Well hopefully those annoying sick people won’t be able to afford the fee and will just submit to a smart meter.  Then I can go back to cuddling in bed with my poodle Roger on Saturday mornings. Maybe they will have to decide between buying food and keeping their analog meters!  I wonder what choice they will make. LOL. I think my friend Chris at eMeter did some study with rats about that- I’ll have to call him up and get some tips.

February 14th 2012

Dear Diary,

It’s Valentine’s Day and I have no one- not even an office flirtation.  I spent the morning throwing darts at the Erin Brockovich Dartboard we have up in the break room.  Man that chick is fine. Hotter than San Bruno in September.  I wonder if she’d go out with me.  Maybe if she didn’t know I worked for PG&E?

I bet she would go out with me… Hey, it’s not my fault that people are getting cancer.

Tonight is speed dating at the wine bar down the street.   Hope I score! And I’ll finally get to try out my new Verizon Microwave  nose hair trimmer.  Omigod I can’t wait.

March 11th, 2012

Dear Diary,

I can’t believe this smart meter controversy isn’t over yet.  Omigod it’s SOOO boring.  Why don’t they just shut up now that they have a choice?

We’ve run out of toilet paper in the men’s room AGAIN.  You would think that the immigrants we pay $4.25/ hour to clean up our shit would be more on top of it.  Maria our cleaning staffer has been complaining that she isn’t sleeping well and has headaches and can’t afford to go to the doctor. Cry me a river people- just get over it already.   Wireless is the way of the future.  Just look what it’s done for Africa.

So the TP was out and I needed to take a dump.   Someone mentioned the Gas Pipeline Division had an excess of paper they were getting rid of. They gave me a stack of documents which I hauled up to the executive  washroom on the 10th floor.  Since I had nothing to do while sitting on the toilet, I read a few of the papers- something about eliminating safety inspections, using reclaimed metal, and that the CPUC would never notice.  It’s probably nothing.  And oh man, not nearly as soft as the Charmin’ we normally use.

As I was washing my hands and staring at myself in the mirror, I noticed a rash on my right ear.  It’s funny- I’ve had this burning sensation there lately.  I wonder what that’s from.

March 21st, 2012

Dear Diary,

Someone just sent me a trailer for the Stop Smart Meters Film the freaks from Canada are producing. The way this thing is spreading is making me a little nervous.   I thought it was just a couple of hippies in Marin and Santa Cruz.  I’m beginning to have a nauseous feeling every time someone mentions the words smart meter.  Maybe we should have asked before we spent billions of ratepayer dollars on this.  Maybe this health alarmist thing is legit- I mean, did anyone check it out before we designed this mesh network thingy?  Obviously as the spokesperson I can’t talk about this stuff publicly, but I am a little unnerved.   Maybe this smart grid was a big scam and I’m just a tool in it.  Nahhh, I’m sure everything will be cool.  I’ll feel a lot better after I drink a beer and watch some Jersey Shore on my IPad.

I’m sure it’s all just some conspiracy theory anyway…

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.  All material  contained herein is entirely fabricated and not based in reality.  Happy April Fool’s Day!  Now back to our regularly scheduled programming….

“There are some things so serious you have to laugh at them.”

NIELS BOHR (1885-1962), Danish Physicist, 1922 Nobel Prize Winner

Posted in California, Cancer, Cell phones, Class Issues and Social Equality, CPUC, Federal Government, Installer Threats and Assaults, Military, PG&E, San Francisco, Santa Cruz County, Satire, Smart Grid | 12 Comments

Ventura County Puts Foot Down Against Opt Out Fees

Posted on March 29, 2012 by Josh Hart

The utilities and their pals on the CPUC have tried to portray the battle against smart meters as a Northern California phenomenon.  Well, after this week it’s a lot harder to make that argument.  On Tuesday, Ventura County (pop. 800,000) in Southern California joined the growing list of local governments demanding a Statewide No Fee Analog Opt Out program.  According to our calculations that makes 53 local governments all over California – representing more than 3.5 million people- united in seeking to reign in smart meter madness.

Ventura County’s utility is Southern California Edison, a company that makes PG&E look like saints.  Edison and San Diego Gas and Electric are pushing to deny residents the right to retain their reliable analog meters and instead be forced to pay hundreds for a digital “non-transmitting” meter.  Residents who ‘opt out’ are being told they will have to pay the highest tier if tiered rates are approved.  The bullies have also vandalized private property in order to force smart meters onto unwilling homes.

People are not taking it lying down however.  According to the Ventura County Star:

“Residents all over the state, including in Ventura County, have said (smart) meters are intrusive and pose health risks.

‘It is my position that they have no right to install a probable health hazard on my home, and I will not pay a penalty fee to prevent them from doing so,’ Newbury Park resident Nathan Borin wrote in an email last week to supervisors.”

Read more at: http://www.vcstar.com/news/2012/mar/27/supervisors-push-for-revising-opt-out-program/

Congratulations to Consumers Power Alliance, the Center for Electrosmog Prevention and allied organizations and individuals who have been working hard to encourage local governments in Southern California and beyond to act in the interests of public safety.  Because of your efforts, the call for change is growing louder.

Opt out fees are punitive, illegal, and extortionate.  Demand they be dropped.  Join hundreds of other people and refuse to pay.  We are the many.  They are the few.

Thank you Ventura County Supervisors for standing up for the many!

Speaking of the many, Occupy Ventura is planning to protest smart meter installations in Ventura County this Saturday March 31st 12-1pm at the corner of Rose & Gonzales Rd.
 Meet at the corner in front of the Shell Gas Station

.  More info on the protest and reports of ordinary residents taking direct action to defend their homes on their website.

Posted in California, Citizen rebellion, Democracy, health effects, Smart Grid, Ventura County | 11 Comments

Guest Post: Georgia Legislators Try to Put the Kibosh on Smart Meter Opt-Out Bill

Posted on March 25, 2012 by Josh Hart

By Terri Keller, StopSmartMetersGeorgia.org

The smart meter fight in Georgia was looking better than most states: Senate Bill 459, allowing customer opt-out, passed the state senate without much tussle, and a free opt-out was on the way. Now that bill, as it moves to the Georgia House of Representatives, is being killed, by one representative on a subcommittee. That representative, Ben Harbin, has already established himself as a friend of Georgia Power, and not the ratepayer. Here’s the latest. –ed.

How corrupt do you have to be to vote for children to get cancer, houses to burn down, electric bills to double and triple, and to put untold numbers of Georgians at risk? Ask the Georgia State House Energy Subcommittee and Representative Don Parsons, Chair, (404-656-9198/ repdon@donparsons.org). That committee has decided that Georgians should not have a choice to opt out of having this potentially deadly item on the side of our homes and businesses, by tabling Senate Bill 459.

Senate Bill 459, which passed easily through the Georgia State Senate in early March, would allow Georgians to “just say no” to having a “smart” meter digital electric meter. Since they were first installed, “smart” meters have caused numerous fires in our part of the country. One company insider, Don Baker, said that the brand of digital meter that Georgia Power is trying to force on us is “fundamentally unsound,” due to causing fires and melting. He has brought a suit over that fact, stating that these devices can also overcharge customers by up to seven times. For details see (https://stopsmartmeters.org/2012/01/20/meters-that-endanger-shocking-details-from-a-whistleblower/). Georgia Power is an investor-owner utility. Investors, ask yourselves if this is a good long-term investment, and how the ultimate costs of lawsuits for fire and health damage will cut into your profits.

Despite the fact that the radiation pulsed by a “smart” meter hundreds—in some meters, hundreds of thousands—of times a day has been declared a Class 2B carcinogen by the World Health Organization, the electric company is installing them as close as 12 inches away from where children sleep. Children are especially susceptible to health effects from this type of radiation. To me, the fact that these meters can be hacked by a laptop—alerting someone to the fact you’re away from home—is pretty mild by comparison, but still represents another danger that everyone should have the right to avoid.

We are now urging Georgians—and anyone in the U.S. supporting our fight—to call the members of the Georgia House Energy Subcommittee:

  • Representative Mark Hamilton, chairman, 404-656-5132 or mark.hamilton@house.ga.gov;
  • Also contact: G. Baker, C. Fullerton, M. Scott, C. Martin, J. Carson, E. Smith, R. Williams, H. Geisinger, B. Horne, and R. Dickey—full contact info for these people is at www.stopsmartmetersGeorgia.Org.

If you know anyone in Georgia, send them a note and encourage them to voice their objection to this move to table Senate Bill 459.

We need to remind them how necessary it is that they vote “Yes” on giving Georgians the right to opt out of having an unsafe “smart” meter on our homes. They must vote “Yes” on Senate Bill 459 by this week for this bill—and our families—to have a chance.

Representative Ben Harbin (404-656-3949 / ben.harbin@house.ga.gov) made the motion to table the bill—effectively tabling the rights, health, and safety of Georgia citizens. I don’t know who seconded the motion, or who voted for or against, because Don Parsons’ office will not say who took notes or who has the minutes of the meeting. (Parsons is the chairman of the full Energy, Utilities, and Telecommunications Committee.)

As has been discussed many times before on this website, the opt-out should be free for all energy customers. To charge people to protect themselves from radiation, surveillance, and fire danger is illegal and unethical. There is no federal or state law saying we have to have “smart” meters—the Federal Energy Policy Act of 2005 merely states that we can have one if we ask for one. So the electric companies should pay for them to be replaced, not the customers. The fact that they are untested for human safety means they never should have gone up in the first place, and are probably illegally installed! Those who choose to opt out should only be given safe, analog meters. Analog meters have been safely used in homes for over a century.

I’d like to remind everyone that—for Georgians at least—putting a sign under your safe, analog meter has kept many from getting a “smart” meter installed. The sign can say something along the lines of “DO NOT REPLACE METER. We refuse the “smart” meter due to health, safety, and privacy issues.” Just put that in a gallon ziplock and tape it securely beneath your analog meter. Be sure and tell your family, friends, and neighbors, too, so you can watch out for each other.

[Editors’ note: Attaching a sign is not enough in many places. After a phase of restraint, installers can begin to ignore and rip them down. Always consider protecting your private property rights by Defending Your Meter.]

An article came out just this week, saying that Georgia has the most corrupt state government in the nation. We’d like to prove them wrong, because we have seen the good that can be done. The Georgia State Senate passed this bill in no time. There is no reason for the Energy Subcommittee, then the House of Representatives, not to do the same. (Well, no good reason.)

But if enough people remind them not to throw their own constituents under the bus, maybe they will listen to their consciences.

Whatever the outcome, Georgians will definitely remember who voted “YES” in November. If not, rest assured that www.stopsmartmetersGeorgia.Org will remind them!

–Terri Keller, M. A.

www.stopsmartmetersGeorgia.Org

Posted in georgia, neighborhood organizing, Privacy, radio-frequency radiation, Uncategorized | 21 Comments

More Orwellian Twists: Not Being Home Means “Opting Out,” and How Your Home is Now a Wireless Facility…

Posted on March 19, 2012 by Josh Hart

Earlier this month author, blogger, and San Francisco citizen-activist Edward Hasbrouck filed a protest with the CPUC regarding the so-called smart-meter “opt-out” program they recently approved for PG&E customers. Read his blog post here.  In his protest he argues that PG&E far oversteps the mandate given to it by the CPUC opt-out ruling. In addition he raises concerns so many people have also expressed about the legitimacy of PG&E installing what amounts to telecommunications facilities on each and every home in its service area:

A “SmartMeter” is actually a general-purpose digital radio transceiver including an unknown array of sensors, which would form a node in a PG&E wireless mesh data network. In other words, a “bug” that I would allow the utility to install inside my house, for its profit. […]

In effect, PG&E is seeking […] to use its “foothold” on customer premises at the gas and electric meters to effect an uncompensated taking of valuable radio transceiver and antenna siting rights, which property owners would otherwise be entitled to reserve, to exercise for themselves, or to sell or rent to parties and on terms of their choosing.

In addition, the way in which PG&E is going about the opt-out means that even if you don’t agree to it, they will take your non-response as legal consent:

Unfortunately, PG&E […] has proposed to create a legal presumption that if no one is home when PG&E makes a field visit to install a SmartMeter […] the PG&E customer will be “deemed to have elected” to pay additional one-time and monthly fees for gas and electric service. [Read more.]

More support for what we have been saying all along: the opt-out fees are extortion–illegal and unethical. The customer base never agreed to have these harmful, illegal, snooping devices installed on their homes–they shouldn’t pay to have them taken off.

The smart meter program, even in this opt-out portion, is riddled with gaping procedural and legal holes–where PG&E has consistently taken liberties way beyond their mandate as allowed by the CPUC. The ruling procedure has lacked any explanation for why those refusing to opt in wouldn’t be rebated the cost of the smart meter ($300) never installed on their home. Nor why the cost of retaining an analog  by some customers shouldn’t be borne by the shareholders.

Safety and fairness to the consumer, which are core to the CPUC’s stated goals, have been missing from the beginning, replaced instead by pandering to the profits of the investor-owned utilities in CA, resulting in flagrant  disregard for consumer health, safety, and privacy–and private property rights.

UPDATE: Down in southern California, the utilities SDGE and SCE are trying to set up outrageous restrictions on how and when customers can opt out–even setting a date by which you must opt out–or you are stuck with a smart meter forever.

Post from Stop Smart Meters Irvine: http://stopsmartmetersirvine.com/2012/03/16/cpuc-issues-smart-meter-opt-out-proposed-rulings-for-sdge-and-sce-sce-will-not-allow-everyone-to-have-an-analog/

SCE has said they don’t want to re-install any analogs, only digital, if that’s what the customer had before the smart meter was installed. Read more in their CPUC filing.

“Smart Meter Opt-Out Ordered for SDG&E Customers” http://lamesa.patch.com/blog_posts/alert-smart-meter-opt-out-ordered-for-sdge-customers

SIGN THE NO-FEES PETITION: http://signon.org/sign/pge-smart-meter-fees

Posted in California, Citizen rebellion, CPUC, Democracy, PG&E, Privacy, radio-frequency radiation, Safety, Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Oo La La! C’est La Soup Électro: Music Video from Quebec

Posted on March 16, 2012 by Josh Hart

La Soup Électro! Serge-André Jones serves up truth, with fun and a driving beat. Buy it here: http://www.sergeandrejones.com/la-soupe-electro (page down for English). English lyrics here. We admire his verve. Update: now with English subtitles.

Get connected to the fight against smart meters and electro-smog in Quebec, Canada: Coalition québécoise de lutte contre la pollution électromagnétique
http://www.cqlpe.ca/

English lyrics: The Electro Soup

My name is Thérèse Cash.
I prepare and sell delicious homemade dishes.
One of them, my best-seller,
is full of good organic ingredients.
Teens love it!
It’s my Electro Soup.

In it, I put healthy greens and a cell phone,
Potatoes and a compact fluorescent light bulb,
A nice big WIFI router, marinated in garlic,
Ham and a telecommunications antenna.
To improve the taste of all that
I add a flat-screen TV and a wireless videogame controlpad.
That helps to sleep soundly!
I finish the cooking in the microwave oven.
Everything becomes nice and tender.
I serve the soup with white bread
Generously covered in Smart Meter spread.
And Smart Meters, we can put a whole lot!
3,8 million, why not?

Recipe Canada states that the Electro Soup causes no health risk whatsoever.
Yes!

It’s good! It’s good!
You’ll see! It’s good!
Good for lunch, supper, breakfast and before going to bed.
You can have some all day, it’s easy to sip.
I also sell it in pills and it can even be injected.
It’s good! It’s good!
You’ll see! It’s good!
Come on! Buy some!
Don’t be shy!
It isn’t nasty, it’s even good for kids!
It’s good!
You’ll see! It’s good!
My delicious Electro Soup is even more fun than a party!
It’s good! It’s good!

My delicious Electro Soup is especially good … for my wallet!
Ha! Ha!

Posted in Canada, Citizen rebellion, Environmental Concerns, radio-frequency radiation, Uncategorized | 20 Comments